fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize