ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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