Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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