it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
