wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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