his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
