I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
