through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
