You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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