i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
