Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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