Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
