Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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