she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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