Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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