sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't notice because vodka
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
