Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
