i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
