I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
