You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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