I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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