Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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