So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
