I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
