This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize