those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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