I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
