i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
