apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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