Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
