no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
