Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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