How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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