u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
