just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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