the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
