sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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