I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
