She went from zero to smokin in five shots
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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