idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
