btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
