my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
