So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
