I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize