my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
