I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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