can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
