Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
