I cockslap morals
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
