Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
