I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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