So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need to calm my uterus...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
