Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
