I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
