Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
