apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
