she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
