Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
