All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
