dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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