erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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