i just wanna soil my oats bro
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
