Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
